I have a hard time accepting the fact that people dedicate hours and hours to staring at a TV because they can beat a video game. I’d stare at the TV if it’d deliver me some Chinese food. Maybe even rubbed my feet. All you get out of it is a fake trophy made out of tears. I don’t get the obsession, but at least I’m never forced to play or show an interest in something I find so… so… you know.
There was a point where I tried to be all about video games. It never relieved stress or took my mind off problems. If anything, I had panic attacks because I didn’t know how to shoot or stab someone. One time, my brother and I played one of the CODs. Let’s just say I was supposed to be crouching but kept jumped up and down. In the end, we were mauled to death by dogs. There was no round two for me.
Here’s what I’ve noticed about myself when playing video games:
- I talk to characters on the screen because I sense some loneliness…in myself.
- I pretend the controller is a calculator and push buttons while making “bee boop” robot noises.
- I will stare at the TV for so long I think I’m actually watching a TV show or a movie.
- I grip the controller so hard that I lose all feeling in my hands, which causes me to laugh uncontrollably for hours.
- I repeatedly say “oh no” even if I’m doing something right, which is never so I guess this one doesn’t count.
- I’ll treat the controller like a steering wheel and pretend to drive or truly believe that turning the controller certain ways will help.
- I won’t pause the game even if I have to use the bathroom because remember that woman who drove 900 miles and didn’t take bathroom breaks?
- I’m usually asleep or tipsy within 15 minutes of a game.
- I’ll forget to turn on the TV and complain about how the game’s graphics are awful.
- I never play a video game more than once because no.