I’ve been a DVR loverhater since 2006. When I actually had a life, I was so excited to record shows and watch them at a later date. I would spend hours rewinding, fast forwarding, pausing, stopping, playing, giggling – whatever. I believed (still kind of do) that this little person lived inside the remote and would do everything for me because you know, stupidity.
Now that I’m older and becoming (more) senile, I dislike DVR to the point where I want to see how full it can get before the warnings. I haven’t watched any shows in the last month and every time I look at my DVR box, there’s this mutual understanding that we hate one another. An understanding that if either of us were injured and about to die on the side of the road, driving past that situation is the only acceptable option. I’ll admit that there were times where my cats caught me turning the cable box on and off because that was the closest thing to Chinese water torture.
I think having a cable box telling me what to do is a bit much. You need to watch this show, the results from this show are in, you should straighten your hair, wearing that makes your teeth look fat, eating spam off the floor isn’t healthy.
I always tell myself to cancel my DVR service. Then cable. Then internet. Then sell all my belongings and live in the woods where my beard would be my best friend and then all the townspeople would ask about Beardie.
Anyway, Mr. DVR, I don’t know if you can read or hear me, but I just want you to know that you’ve caused so many sleepless nights. Panic attacks. Gas from drinking water. I wish you could redeem yourself and give me back my independence! I hope one day we can be civil but for right now, enjoy being 100% full.